Lessons that marriage has taught me.

1:46:00 AM Ayesha Farhad 2 Comments

Getting to the basics, I grew up in a very different yet chilled out household. I was born in a joint family system where everybody seemed to be busy with their own lives and if someone needed a stress buster, they'd take it out on the other person. Fast forward to 16 years, we moved houses and were suddenly a nuclear family. Everyone's attention was on each other and some how everyone wanted to know what was going on in everyone's life. It was crazy but good. It was hell but some what peaceful.


After I got married, I had to go through some major lifestyle changes. I was not supposed to be rebellious. I mean, rebelling is a good thing but when you are going to spend the rest of your life with someone equally as rebellious as you, a reality check was needed for both of us. It has been a good three years to our marriage and I can say we both have changed for the better. I am not sure if my husband has learned something from me (besides cleaning up the kitchen after he has cooked something, because that was usually left for me to clean) but I definitely have learned a few things from my husband.




1. If I am fire, you are ice and vice versa.


Before marriage, the only way I ended an argument was shutting the door of my room out loud. Yeah, that is definitely a problem now. After a series of harmless arguments, I have learned to keep quiet when he is trying to explain his point of view. The more I express while he is trying to prove a point, the more it angers him. So now, I let him explain something when he is angry and when things have cooled down, I explain mine. This way, his anger has cooled off and his mind is less clouded and he hears me out properly. It is the same with him. If I am angry and screaming my guts off, which is quiet rare now (I am pretty surprised), he keeps his calm and explains his point of view later on.

2. Think before you speak.


I am probably the most impatient person when it comes to talking. I used to utter complete garbage and then regret it later. Every time I used to say something that I should not have, he used to ask me to repeat it in my head and then speak. This way, I have learned to actually know what to speak in front of people.

3. The blame game will lead you no where.


I have grown up in a household with two sisters and there was so much of a blame game going around, it got caught up. Every time, something went wrong, I used to blame him or blame other people. A few days ago, my mother called me to post out something and then there was a delay with the postal service. Guess who got blamed? Had that been my husband, he'd ask me to track the parcel and get back to him. Its easy to blame someone rather than thinking something through but I am glad I have learned better.

4. Talking excessively will always get you in trouble.


I talk. And I talk a lot. I do not think twice before talking. I used to gossip about a few things and two minutes later, BAM! I shouldn't have. His advice always tells me to listen more and talk less. The more you listen, the more you get to know about the other person. The more you talk, the less the other person thinks of you.

5. The secret to being happy is to be content with what you have.


I wanted all. I wanted everything. I was jealous of people who used to have it together and have it all. Slowly and gradually he started making me realise that being jealous will not bring me any closer to my goals. Being happy with what you have and being happy for the other person will bring you happiness. Make use of the things you have now. There is always going to be someone and something better than what you are and what you have but that does not mean that you have to have everything. If you have something, then be happy with it and slowly work towards your goals.


6. An argument does not mean that I love you any less.


During the first few months of my marriage, every time we used to have a difference of an opinion, I used to think that his love for me was just a bit of a showoff. He does not love me the way he used to love me. And I used to think up extremely disturbing scenarios in my head. But over time he has made me realise that even if there is a difference of opinions between us, his love for me does not decrease. He still loves me the way he has loved me all his life. I was the 'Chandler' of relationships. Ran away as fast as I could after an argument.


We still have a long way to go with life and parenting and there are sure going to be a lot of ups and downs but I know that he will stay consistent with his love and with his wisdom. But on a happier note, he has DEFNITELY learnt to keep the toilet seat down and we are nearly there with hanging we towels on the hook instead of throwing it on the bed.

2 comments:

  1. Thankfully I married a man that likes to tidy and that has helped our marriage a lot!! Compromise is the biggest learning for me X

    ReplyDelete
  2. My husband is a neat freak but he regresses in the kitchen haha i dont know why!
    So true! Compromise is absolutely neccessary to make a marriage work!

    ReplyDelete