Rejection & how to deal with it.

Rejection is horrible. I can not even tell you how many nights I have spent sprawled on the bathroom floor, trying to get myself back together. Or how many days I have gone without any social contact. The nights were always the hardest. When it is just you all alone with your thoughts haunting you, making sure that your self confidence is at level zero and you just keep picking your phone up to check the phone calls that never came. Or the messages that were written and erased. 
The rejections always started with 'its not you, its me'. In my case, my first ever rejection was 'it is you and not me'. I wanted to turn everything around, move away for the person who cracked me open like a surprise kinder egg, expecting a toy to play around with but just got a sticker. You forget to smile. You forget to initiate any kind of social contact. You forget to exist. 
The series of 'its not you, it is me' came later on in life like a flood. It made me want to cling on to whatever was left. But when the other person wants a complete out, how long can you hold on to? You start looking for a similiar love in people around you and when you do not get the same love, you feel dejected. 
It has been a long time since I have been rejected. God has been ever so kind to me, to give me a family that loves me to no bounds. The first rejection left me in pieces that I could not glue back together even if I wanted to. I wanted to fix the wrong in me. The wrong that was never there in the first place. 
But whatever happens, you either come out stronger or come out weaker than before. I came out stronger. Rejection has made me a stronger person. It has not numbed my heart from the pain completely but I have learned how to get through. I have learned how to smile through the anxiety that is storming in my heart but to keep it ashore. 
The crying, the depression, the panic attacks just do not go away easily. You have to fight to keep them away. My fight consisted of colour and sweat. I took up painting to clear my head from the negativity and exercise to physically drain my body of all the toxins. I forced myself to make friends and to go out with them often, so I was not left alone with my thoughts all the time. I made sure that I bonded with my family. They were the only people that kept me sane without even knowing what I was going through. I let go of all the toxic friends that reminded me of the rejection that used to hover around me.

It is very important to surround yourself with positive thoughts and happy people. The more you think of happy thoughts, the more energetic you are. You slowly feel the depression sailing away from your mind and that feeling is the best you can ever imagine happening to you. 
Another thing that helped me getting over the depression, was connecting myself to God. No matter how cliched it sounds but it did help me to a great extent. If anything, I knew I was relying on someone who would never fail me even if I failed him. Having faith and trust in God is an extremely important part in moving on. 
Smile more more often, do things that make other people happy and you will feel the happiness within you but expect less from the people with whom you do good to. Lower expectations lead to very few disappointments. And do not expect your life to turn around in a day. Fighting for happiness brings tears and smiles and low days but in the end, it is all worth it. Just know that the right person or the right friend will eventually come along and they will stay by your side always only if you keep yourself happy.