Emotionally wrecked with bullying.
Being bullied is the most horrible thing that can happen to a person. It leaves you emotionally wrecked, mentally exhausted and physically weak. I can not believe that I am actually writing about this now. For the most part of my life, I have kept quiet about it, smiled through it and ignored the fact that what happened was plain bullying.
All through middle school and high school, I was bullied to such an extent that the only way I found an out with, was pain. I used to come home from school and find relief in a blade. The teachers at school used to pick favourites and fellow students used to sit together and laugh. At first, I used to think that there was something wrong with me. I blamed my height. I was too short. Then I blamed my colour. I was too dark. Then I blamed my hormones. I had too much acne. Two whole years in high school, I used to run upstairs towards the toilets and used to sit with the cleaner and have my lunch quietly there and wait till the bell rang for the lunch time to be over. I had zero friends. They just did not want to mingle with me. I was the weird girl that everyone laughed at.
My parents were very busy with their lives and I don't blame them. They had more on their plate than they deserved. My siblings were too busy with handling the issues in their lives. So initially I had no one to talk to. I made a few fake email addresses to talk to my class mates but sooner or later they used to find out and I used to become the laughing stock again. Whatever I used to say to any of the class mates, it was circulated around and then made fun of. It was so bad that, when I made a friend in the last year of my high school, that friend never wanted to sit with me in the first place.
Social awkwardness grew. I had anxiety and panic attacks. I only wished for someone to talk to. And when I did find a few friends, my family hated them because I never used to hang out with my family. I had so much to let out that I rebelled and I used to fight with my family ever other day. Slowly and gradually, I started to find solace in books. I used to read every single day. Whatever book I could find, I used to end up reading it.
When I started college, that is when I realised that I had had enough of bullying. I made new friends. I was socially awkward at that time and I had a lot of trouble talking to new people. But I knew, that if it was not now, then it was never. Clichéd, I know. But it did work for me. I had friends of my own. I had people, I could rely on. People I could hang out with and share jokes and be happy with.
I still have a lot of anxiety in me. I get awkward when I have to talk to strangers. But I have been making a change. Instead of emailing or texting for work, I call them. I make sure that I talk. I stammer sometimes but I do talk. I have come a long way from the person I was forced to become and I am happy with what I have achieved.
Step up and recognise bullying. You do not deserve it. No one deserves isolation. No one deserves pain. No one deserves to be called weird and then laughed upon. If you see someone being bullied, help them and talk to them. Because all they really need is someone to talk to. I never had anyone to look up to but I am going to make sure that my children know that I am there with them at every step of them growing up. I am going to make sure, that my children do not become the bullies I had to encounter. So many people lose their lives, their loved ones because of bullying. And bullying just does not take place amongst children. Adult bullying is also very very common.
Talk to people. Get to know them. Not everyone is a bad human being. Help them out if they are being bullied. Helping will cost you nothing but bullying might cost you a life.