How to be a control freak without your family noticing it.

29 March Ayesha Farhad 4 Comments


If someone calls you a control freak, then it is fair to say you won’t feel too flattered. The term control freak is usually pretty negative, however when it comes to your children can you ever be too in control? Is it your job, right? Making sure they have the best of everything, that they do their best and they act their best.

I have got some pretty smart ways you can be the ultimate control freak mom, without anyone even noticing. You can be subtle and sly with the rest of your family not even realizing you are behind the decisions they are making or the opportunities that are coming their way.

Master the art of nagging: By that, I mean you need to stop it. A nagging mom is never going to be listened too; children tend to switch off after the third time you have asked them to do something. You need to be a mom of consequences. For example, instead of asking every day that your kids bring their washing down, you take away their phones at night and let them know they are allowed them once the washing is in the basket. As simple as that. That way, you aren’t repeating yourself every morning, in fact, if anything you have turned the nag onto the other foot. It will be the kids nagging you to give them the phone.

Consequences work far better than threats: Remember that. There should be a simple rule and none of this ‘three strikes, you’re out’ stuff. Tell your children what they need to do, say what will happen if they don’t. Then implement the consequence. Don’t engage in debate, a simple “you know the rule” is enough. Then move on with your day. It won’t take long before the simple jobs you needed to nag about, are being dealt with. I have tried this with my son so many times and he knows if he doesn’t complete his tasks, he won’t find his toys in the house all day.


Stay one step ahead with their choices and decisions: If your kids think you are behind any opportunity that comes their way, the chances are they will head off in the other direction. If you want something for your kids, then you need to be pretty calm in your approach. Let’s say you just found out about a London school trip and your child is completely uninterested. You could force them to go. However, that is only going to make them resent you. Or you could be mega enthusiastic about it, and that is probably not going to work either. The best approach is to find out why they don’t want to go. Listen to them and accept their reasons. Then try to find something which might perk up their interest. Maybe they have a favorite band who happen to be in London that same week. Perhaps one of their best friends is going or they might stop over at one of their favourite food places. Locate their weakness and then drip feed it into conversations. Slowly and surely you will get your way, and you won’t seem like a mean mom who forces them into things they don’t want to do.

Keeping on top of their behaviour: Most children wouldn’t even think about discussing their daily issues with their parents. Least of all their mom. They have a fear of getting in trouble, being grounded or perhaps being embarrassed. This is where you need to see how you can handle this. Finding out the truths about your children is tough, but you need to remember you were young once.

First of all, you need to work out what things are acceptable to you, little misdemeanors that you can handle, then you need to understand that if you discover any of this has happened, you cannot lose the plot. You need to stay calm and carry on. If your children think they can tell you things and you won’t start freaking out over the smallest issue, then they will start coming to you with the bigger issues. This is so important, especially if you have girls because you need to keep in touch with their personal issues.

Sometimes, you must accept that the kids are going to make bad choices and they need to do this to learn the highs and lows of life. If you are going to freak out at everyone and everything, then you are going to drive a wedge between your relationship with your child. Far better that you swallow your initial reaction, and then you manage the mess from behind the scenes. At the end of the day, if they aren’t telling you about it, they will still go ahead and do it. If you know, at least you can control the fallout.


The world inside the internet: Finally, let’s talk about social media. Mobile phones give your kids access to the world. It allows other people to come into direct contact with your children and this means you are essentially open to all kinds of disaster. Kids cannot get their heads around the fact that there are some pretty nasty folk out there who will pretend to be children. Or that older guys are well versed in how to groom a girl. Social media gives this kind of people direct access to our children so here is an area where you need to be a complete control freak.

There are some great apps which allow you to take control of your children's social media accounts. You can see their messages, even the deleted ones, and monitor what is being said and by who. This is a perfect area where you don’t even need to be subtle. It is far too important. So, keep your eye on what has been said, what has been sent and who is in touch with your kids. You have an absolute duty to know. It can be hard explaining to your children you respect an element of their privacy when you are rummaging through their phones, but they have to understand there are bigger reasons why you are doing this. Gone are the days where you could trust your children with social media. And it is not even about trusting your children anymore. It is about how brutally manipulative and clever people can be that can get your child in trouble. 

4 comments:

  1. Great points here, I think you have hit the nail on the head, nagging doesn't work and consequences do, chargers are a great thing to take away as well as they don't realise you are that far ahead of them until they need to charge something x

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  2. This is a great post! Something I definitely needed to read right now! I'm struggling at the moment. I definitely feel like I nag too much, and the worst thing is I always give them consequences but never actually go through with them!

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  3. Some great tips here. Definitely agree about consequences working much better than nagging. The whole social media thing terrifies me - she's only two so I've got a bit of time but it's so scary

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  4. Great tips here, and you're right consequences work so much better than nagging x

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