What exactly is a toxic relationship? People have been in abusive relationships. Mental, physical, verbal and emotional abuse. And if any kind of abuse takes over a relationship it becomes toxic. Please note that I am not trying to be insensitive to any one here. Toxic relationships are not just identified with women in general. Men are also forced to stay in such liaisons.
When you are in a relationship where physical abuse hoovers, you HAVE to get out of that relationship. It wrecks you in every kind of way. But there are so many people who don't realise that they are in a toxic relationship just because physical abuse is not present. Mental and emotional torture is as much a part of a toxic relationship than physical abuse.
So how do you identify toxicity in a relationship?
POWER.
This is the most common form. If your partner is asserting power on you and your daily lifestyle, then this is it. That power is misused to break relationships with friends and family so that you have no one to rely on except your own partner which in turn gives them more power. You are not allowed to talk on the phone during a certain time of the day, talk to certain people, not allowed to go out and have a breather. And then there is a constant fear of them trying to prove that you were cheating on them, even if that was not the case.
OVER EXPECTATIONS.
Your partner has so much control over you and yet they expect you do something that isn't in your hands. They keep expecting you to reach to the bar they think they have set but you always fail miserably. Emotional and verbal abuse follows. Fighting resumes and in the end, you're the only one frantically trying to worry yourself to reach their expectations.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO FEEL.
Your partner likes seeing you suffer. You are only allowed to feel what they feel and then nothing else. If you want to let your feelings flow, they become defensive and pressurise you into keeping your feelings within you. They constantly try to make you feel what they feel without realising that you need to have your own emotions. Emotional blackmailing and getting infuriated when you have your own burst of emotional breakout, spreads more toxicity in the relationship.
ALWAYS BEING CAUTIOUS
You are ALWAYS walking on eggshells around them, not knowing what might trigger their mood. You constantly have to distance yourself from them to avoid upsetting them. You just don't know what to do when they are around just incase verbal diarrhoea is thrown at you.
NOT KNOWING HOW TO APPROACH THEM.
Speaking from personal experience, when you are in a toxic relationship, you start having anxiety before you need to address your problem with them. Any problem or topic you bring up with them, they get infuriated over useless things. You have to think about it a hundred times before you bring it up with them. There will always be something that will trigger them to become abusive all over again.
Learn how to identify the toxicity in your relationship and gather up your courage and self confidence, and WALK OUT. You do not need someone to demean you and constantly put you down just because the way you are. You are amazing. You are strong. You are confident. It may not be easy to walk out but you need to hold on and go ahead. Lean on a family member. Take someone into confidence so that they can perk you up when you think that you will not be able to walk away. Do not let one rotten relationship ruin your present and your future. You are so much more than being someones punch bag.
