Identify your toxic relationship and let go.

10:24:00 AM Ayesha Farhad 32 Comments

I have been meaning to write this down since such a long time but I just could not find the emotional strength to put it down.

What exactly is a toxic relationship? People have been in abusive relationships. Mental, physical, verbal and emotional abuse. And if any kind of abuse takes over a relationship it becomes toxic. Please note that I am not trying to be insensitive to any one here. Toxic relationships are not just identified with women in general. Men are also forced to stay in such liaisons. 

When you are in a relationship where physical abuse hoovers, you HAVE to get out of that relationship. It wrecks you in every kind of way. But there are so many people who don't realise that they are in a toxic relationship just because physical abuse is not present. Mental and emotional torture is as much a part of a toxic relationship than physical abuse. 

So how do you identify toxicity in a relationship?

POWER.

This is the most common form. If your partner is asserting power on you and your daily lifestyle, then this is it. That power is misused to break relationships with friends and family so that you have no one to rely on except your own partner which in turn gives them more power. You are not allowed to talk on the phone during a certain time of the day, talk to certain people, not allowed to go out and have a breather. And then there is a constant fear of them trying to prove that you were cheating on them, even if that was not the case. 

OVER EXPECTATIONS.


Your partner has so much control over you and yet they expect you do something that isn't in your hands. They keep expecting you to reach to the bar they think they have set but you always fail miserably. Emotional and verbal abuse follows. Fighting resumes and in the end, you're the only one frantically trying to worry yourself to reach their expectations.

YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO FEEL.

Your partner likes seeing you suffer. You are only allowed to feel what they feel and then nothing else. If you want to let your feelings flow, they become defensive and pressurise you into keeping your feelings within you. They constantly try to make you feel what they feel without realising that you need to have your own emotions. Emotional blackmailing and getting infuriated when you have your own burst of emotional breakout, spreads more toxicity in the relationship.

ALWAYS BEING CAUTIOUS

You are ALWAYS walking on eggshells around them, not knowing what might trigger their mood. You constantly have to distance yourself from them to avoid upsetting them. You just don't know what to do when they are around just incase verbal diarrhoea is thrown at you.

NOT KNOWING HOW TO APPROACH THEM.

Speaking from personal experience, when you are in a toxic relationship, you start having anxiety before you need to address your problem with them. Any problem or topic you bring up with them, they get infuriated over useless things. You have to think about it a hundred times before you bring it up with them. There will always be something that will trigger them to become abusive all over again.

Learn how to identify the toxicity in your relationship and gather up your courage and self confidence, and WALK OUT. You do not need someone to demean you and constantly put you down just because the way you are. You are amazing. You are strong. You are confident. It may not be easy to walk out but you need to hold on and go ahead. Lean on a family member. Take someone into confidence so that they can perk you up when you think that you will not be able to walk away. Do not let one rotten relationship ruin your present and your future. You are so much more than being someones punch bag. 

32 comments:

  1. I have been in a toxic relationship and everything you have shared perfectly explains what i went through. My partner was emotionally and verbally abusive but since there was no 'beatings' my in laws never understood why I divorced their perfect son. They would put it as normal male behaviour and would blame me for provoking their son to hurl abuses at me. I would be under his constant surveillance and could not even get out of the room without his permission.
    It feels so much better now that i have gotten rid of him.

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    1. I absolutely hate it when mothers dont realise that their sons are at fault. And keep provoking their behaviour. Kudos to you for getting out stronger and happier from that relationship! <3

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  2. I can't even begin to imagine what it's like being in a toxic relationship and feel so bad for the women (and men) who go through this x

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  3. This is so great and so true thanks for sharing hun :) x

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  4. I can relate to this post so much. I've had a very toxic relationship recently and it felt much better to finally let go and move on.

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  5. I can relate to this post and you have really nailed the symptoms of a toxic relationship. It can be difficult for those stuck in this kind of relationship to break free, but it really needs to be done.

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  6. All very true points, I can relate a little too. That feeling of not being able to approach them, question things and say how you feel because you're scared of how they'll react is horrible. And has meant that very recently I found out that my partner of 8 years was having a year long affair. :(

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  7. im soo pleased i found my love for myself and escaped a bad relationship x

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  8. Thanks for sharing this Hun - you've summed up how I've been feeling for the last few months, and am now at that tricky point where I'm trying to decide what to do... fingers crossed I make the right choice x

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  9. This kind of relationship sounds absolutely awful, I really hope that this post helps some others deciding what to do xxx

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  10. This so resonates with me as i recently had to do just this! Not easy but very rewarding in the long run x

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  11. I know a few people who are in toxic relationships and they keep sticking with it as they think things will change, but in my opinion they never do

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  12. People i toxic relationships always are the last to see how toxic their relationship and sometimes when they do know, they cant leave because of fear

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  13. What a great post! I wrote something similar last year, about how to let go of a friendship, and your post rings true. Thanks for sharing.

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  14. I've been in a toxic relationship before and my only regret is not getting out of it sooner x

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  15. This post is such a strong message. I completely agree with what you're saying. Sometimes its a little hard to identify these toxic relationships but its important to take control of your own life! Great post!

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  16. It takes a lot of courage to get out of a toxic relationship/friendship. But once it's done you begin to see life and the world in a whole new light.

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  17. I've been there.. It was really hard to realize it but once I did I finally got out and have never looked back! After being in a couple of toxic relationships it was much easier to notice the warning signs in potential partners early on. I wish I hadn't wasted so much time on the losers, but at the same time I learned from those experiences and I believe it helped make me a stronger person and realize what I needed to look for in a healthy relationship. :D Love this post! It's so important to recognize the signs!

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  18. Such a powerful post and I am glad to have been in a toxic relationship but you are right, it is important to recognise the signs and then just do one x

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  19. Thankfully, I have been in a 24 year marriage, but before that I was in a five year relationship that was very up and down. I felt like I was walking on eggshells all of the time. You bring up an important relationship topic.

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  20. Haven't really experienced toxic relationships but glad I read this post. This has alwsys been an important topic and reading tips can really prevent future relationships like this

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  21. I'm not one to meddle in other people's relationships only when it has to do with domestic violence. I have a friend in a toxic relationship where the guy keeps talking rubbish about her and when i tried telling her she said she doesn't want to be alone. This is a really good post.

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  22. My mummy has had toxic friendships before but never with a partner thankfully. We really hope this post helps people x

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  23. Interesting post. i did have a few toxic friendships when I was younger but luckily I realised and removed the individuals from my life.

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  24. Toxic relationships are so awful!! More often than not I've witnessed people stay in these relationships over fear of being alone! Its very sad!

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  25. What a powerful and important post that all need to read. Toxic relationships are just that - toxic. They can lead to abuse in all forms.

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  26. Toxic relationships can be so horrendous, totally agree that you need to get out asap! xo

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  27. I had my fair share of toxic relationships I'm so happy I've found someone so caring and nice now xo

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  28. I'm blessed to be in the healthiest relationship I've ever had now, but sadly I still see people I care for in this type of toxic relationship. It's sad to see it and not be able to help. I hope this post find it's way to help someone who needs the strength. x

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  29. Yes we all need to learn to immediately get out of bad relationships. It would make the world a different place.

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  30. This is a great post and you have touched so many points that are the key to these relationships. You are absolutely right that one needs to walk away from such relationships however the people who get caught in them are usually vulnerable and probably would not have the guts to break free.

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  31. It's so important for people to see that they're not alone with these kinds of issues, and also that there is life after letting go - posts like these help take emotional abuse out of the shadows, and bring strength to people who need that extra support. x

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